Friday, April 5, 2013

When Life Hands You Lemons...

I'm coming to the end of Day One of The Master Cleanse.

The Salt Water Flush last night was truly horrifying, and I awoke this morning feeling very empty. I guess that's kind of the point, huh?

But then I drank my first in a series of 6 drinks, and things started looking up. The "lemonade" was much better than the salt water from the night before. I got ready for my day with a positive attitude. I thought of all the possibilities this cleanse could bring me, if only I could make it through the ten days. Maybe I will take up yoga, and hiking, and swimming, and eating well.

Keeping myself busy is going to be key to ignoring hunger. I spent the day with my incredible boyfriend, who is trying to be supportive, although I can tell he thinks this is crazy and unhealthy. He spent the entire day refusing to eat in front of me, as a kindness. But when dinner time came and went, I finally told him he needed to eat. This is my choice anyway. I don't mean for it to interfere with anyone else. So we walked to get him dinner and I drank the last of my "lemonade" for the first day.

Hunger was not an issue, but then again, I did eat yesterday. However, I did get a terrible case of the hiccups that are refusing to go away and making my second Flush challenging tonight. And after last night's Flush, I am already reluctant to do another one. But here I sit, again, with another 32oz cup of sea salt and water.

I'm predicting that tomorrow will be far more difficult than today. However, I have planned plenty of distractions for the day and I picked up a new book. Still on the positive side of my attitude!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Master Cleanse

I am doing...The Master Cleanse.

Now, I'm not normally someone who subscribes to these kinds of things. Crash diets, fad diets, diet pills, diet shakes, cleanse diets; they all have the word diet. I do not like to diet. I like food far too much to follow a diet where I never get to eat my favorite things. I'm a fat kid. What can I say?

My best friend Michelle came up to me at work the other day and said she had a serious question for me. 

"Will you do The Master Cleanse with me? You're the only one who would do it with me." 

So, I asked her to tell me about it and what I had to do.

"Well, you drink this lemon/syrup/cayenne pepper drink and don't eat for 10 days."

My response? "THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE." 

She asked me if I would read about the diet if she sent me the information. She forgot to send it. And I forgot she asked. So I went about my business and let it pass.

But today, Michelle comes up to me and says I have until tomorrow to decide, because that's when she's going to start. Now, I was having a bad day, and truly, I'm at a strange point in my life where nothing seems to be going right and everything is stressful. In fact, today, I happened to walk out of my apartment to head to work, only to find that my car had been broken into in the night. So, when Michelle told me she was taking this journey with or without me, I figured...why not? 

When life hands you lemons, they say.

So here I sit. I have bought 3 bags of organic lemons (which still won't get me to the end of the cleanse), organic Grade-B maple syrup (which will only last me half the diet), and cayenne pepper (which I'll never get rid of). 

The purpose of this whole thing is to cleanse your body of toxins you ingest simply from living and eating without awareness. These toxins come from our processed foods, our cosmetics, our skincare products, and even our water. This cleanse suppose to kick start your life and move you towards healthy living. I will have more energy and clearer skin. And, it's supposed to help with allergies, which I suffer from in the most severe ways possible. (I am currently on 3 different allergy medications, as well as eye drops and nose spray!)

Michelle was very clear: I will be spending a lot of time heading for the bathroom, I will be moody, and I will have cravings. And lucky me, I also happen to be on the first day of my menstrual cycle (I know, too much information). I figure, if one part of my body is already cleaning itself out, I may as well clean out the rest. And if I'm already going to be moody and want things I can't have, it should be for a higher purpose.

The first batch of "lemonade" was made with precision and care. And it still came out looking like sewer water...

There it is; thirty ounces of what I will be drinking for the next ten days. I have to drink two of these to meet the minimum amount you must drink in one day, but they suggest more, on top of water! But I can do this. I know I can.

I can't lie, I am a little worried that my willpower isn't strong enough for this. Especially this first part, The Salt Water Flush. The idea of this horrifies me. Apparently, you're supposed to drink 32oz. of salted water relatively quickly, and then wait for nature to take it's coarse. I've finished my drink, and I have the feeling that my bowels are a ticking time bomb. My body is going to hate me within the next hour. 

And just by the way, 32 ounces is A LOT of salt water. The only cup I had that was big enough is my movie theater refill cup.

Now, if this cup was filled with rootbeer and I was sitting in a dark theater, it would have been far easier to drink this much liquid in a quick time frame. But fill it with salt water, and good luck!

So that's where I am. I am sitting in my bedroom, mere hours from drinking the lemon concoction and waiting for my bowels to unleash their fury.

Wish me luck.